Profits Fall Sharply

After I'm done here
crisis demands action
a massive new stimulus

President Barack Obama
President Barack Obama
President Barack Obama

Let me be very clear
I'm done trying to sell
salaried positions here

-- Rupert M Loydell

Lawsuit May Stop Impeachment Trial
Obama says stimulus bill should pass by Feb. 16
Harley plans job cuts as profit falls below target

Faster Security Key

President Obama reversed
Mr. Obama signed:
more trees are dying

President Barack Obama
holds out great promise:
follow the Army Field Manual

The Obama administration
intend to win this fight:
the world paralysed

-- Rupert M Loydell

Green light for US stem cell work
Obama Reverses Key Bush Security Policies
West's trees dying faster as temperatures rise

Swearing Injuries Possible

Sure, it's possible, the research suggests (more or less),
for E. and O. to have swearing injuries. "These fractures
of the brain have mysterious patterns," a spokeswoman

says. "One overnight observation confirmed that women
airplane passengers suffered the violence 20% more
than the 'Lost' stars or Edward Kennedy. Fractures

of the cheekbones and eye sockets released more fractures
under the brain, events that tend to cause swearing." Women
victims of plastic surgery fatigue from the strangeness less.

-- Tyler Chadwick

Tell-tale injuries from partners
Kennedy released from hospital after seizure
The 'Lost' brain trust answers burning questions

Which Filled Struggles

was dark cockpit not day to looking invited
a of burning the hasn't suddenly dream pulpit to
was jet first later brown to butter bird

a on praise the could be not shut passenger to
crackers video peanut and two equality
day windscreen work and cheese congregation

was bacteria sandwich together crew of harmony food
received dream for a dark the has video contaminated
work bird for a pilot the has invited lost

-- Glenn R. Frantz

Snack co. joins peanut butter recall
'I could smell birds burning'
The 'Dream' fulfilled?

Contagious Genetic Bond

A study confirms: There are a number
of ways that M. and S.* have been exposing researchers
to genetic poisoning. Newton Carnegie, head of

the study, confirms: "They are a number
one match to a highly contagious strain of bacteria.
Sleep in the eye, habitual food washing, and salmonella,

this study confirms, are a number
of the disturbances associated with the psychology."
An internal statement says M. and S. aren't related.

*Full names withheld.

-- Tyler Chadwick

7 Tips on Fighting Off a Cold
Peanut butter linked to Salmonella outbreak
Donating bone marrow, saving lives

Returned undamaged into seclusion and hypersonic speed

I congratulate our heroic people
with a note attached to a country club
breaking apart during reentry

helmets and parachutes, also struggling economy
toppled, was "unsurvivable"
where the accused swindler is a member

the subdued festivities,
stolen properties to rightful owners,
buffeted less serious accidents

-- Ben Cartwright

NASA report details last moments of Columbia crew
Cuba Marks Revolution’s Anniversary
Stolen Madoff statue returned with note attached